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Think about it...

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Most of us know that when we are angry, we attract more anger. When we judge others we draw judgmental people to us. When we are fearful, fearful situations find us. When we are joyful and upbeat, we attract people who match our vibration. When we are kind and generous, we attract people with those virtues. The outward manifestation is driven entirely by our inner disposition. Similarly when we harbor negative emotions we manage to attract negativity. The idea is to think positive thoughts, make positive choices and enjoy a positive life. That’s good, isn’t it? I am sure most of us understand that we attract whatever we put our focus and energy into. Today’s discussion examines how our powerful positive thoughts shape our freedom. 

 We usually stay in an abusive relationship as long as we ‘think’ there’s no escape. However, when someone gives us hope about the possibility of a peaceful, loving life we start thinking differently. Our friends or family members give us that little nudge that is required to help us walk away from those tumultuous relationships. I agree, sometimes it takes way longer than expected to end them. Here is a secret about such relationships – they thrive on fear, where the abuser lives in as much fear as the abused! Following are some examples of fear experienced by either or both parties. 

  • Moving into unexplored territory, e.g. becoming a single parent; 
  • Being reprimanded by society for not making enough compromises in the relationship; 
  • Financial insecurity, e.g. single income homes where abused partners have no formal work experience.

I define abusers as “master manipulators who are obsessed with controlling the lives of others becauseof their own unaddressed fears.”(TM).  Typically abusers/perpetrators control their victims via the Cycle of Abuse, which starts with the tension building phase followed by the battering phase and ends with the honeymoon phase where the abuser is profoundly apologetic for his/her behavior. Abusers are intelligent and are able to control their behavior. They pick and choose when and where to abuse. They are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Many physically violent abusers choose to place their kicks and blows where the bruises and marks won’t show.


(Illustration 1)

Let’s view an abusive partner scenario where the victim has realized that there is a way out and has made a choice to exit the relationship. Note the words ‘realized’ and ‘choice’ in the last sentence. They are words that describe inner strength. So in this case, a choice has been made. A choice is typically followed by an intention with a deadline. Intentions are similar to electromagnetic waves that travel across space and materialize in our physical world. Intentions aligned with love, happiness and freedom followed by actions that are in synch yield desired outcomes. Always remember that perpetrators are able to control and abuse their victims’ bodies but are unable to control their minds and intelligence. Hence it may be best to use our intuition and intelligence when circumstances are challenging. Physical strength may not be a good match. Illustration 2 is a diagrammatic representation of the steps that individuals may adopt in their quest for freedom from abuse. 


Below is an outline to go with Illustration 2: 

1. Make a choice – victim must check several times with himself/herself if he/she really wants to be free. Recognize that not everyone can make that choice quickly. It may take months or even years to arrive at a decision. If victim wants to be free, he/she must share with someone they trust. 

2. Determine a date – Victim must closely study their abuser’s schedule in the same manner as the abuser knows the victim’s every move. Intend date of escape. Share date with someone who can be trusted. 

3. Take action – do it. Planning is complete and it’s time for escape. Make it happen. Be quick. If caught try again and yet again. Get help from someone who can be trusted. The attempts to escape drives perpetrators crazy as they realize they are losing control. Don’t wait too long to escape. Once out get to an emergency shelter or police station and report the incident(s). 


Illustration 2 

Soraya Chemaly in the Huffpost dated 11/30/2011, states the percentages of people killed in the U.S. by intimate partners - 30 percent women and 5.3 percent men. That’s disturbing. But in my personal opinion, if we escape alive, chances are we will have a much better life than what we have endured. It’s worth the risk.


About the Author : As a child, Rupsi (pron. Roopshee) was actively involved in charitable programs through herschool and communities. Due to her parents' involvement in educating under-privileged women and children in India she knows no better than to do so herself and pass on the baton. Currently she pursues her passion to empower women through HOPE IN LIFE FOUNDATION (, a non-profit public benefit charitable organization that she started in California to end domestic abuse. 

The organization has a ‘preventative’ approach towards the issue and uses structured training and education programs to enable women to be fearless and financially independent. She works with local schools and colleges and adults in communities to educate them about respect and self-worth. With an MBA and over a dozen years of IT experience in the USA, she is an accomplished, dynamic professional who has been consistently recognized for successfully managing programs and projects while demonstrating the ability to lead diverse teams to new levels of success in various industries and fast-paced environments. Join her in her commitment and show your support to end one of the fastest growing epidemics in the world. If you seek more information, please contact her

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